whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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