i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
