I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i think i just lost a toe
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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