I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
