You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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