I'm jealous of your bromance
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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