I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
