I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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