don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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