he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
