Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize