grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
