dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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