If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize