Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
