someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
