I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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