i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
