Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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