I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize