I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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