She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
