the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
