I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
