I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can vaginas get frostbite?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
