And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
