the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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