11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
