Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
