Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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