[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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