Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
