it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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