she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
