What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Drunk is a universal language darling
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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