Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
