Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
