there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
