I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just want to make out with him forever
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
