Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
They are going to name an STD after you.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
