And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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