there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
tell me about the eggs
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
