like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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