God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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