Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
