He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
