i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
