had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
No subtext here. People are naked.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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