I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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