Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
