My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
