Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
