No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
