Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize