that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
