I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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