What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
