the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
