saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
