The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
