Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
