I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
