ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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