I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
