So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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